I didn’t think the first wedding I’d attend would be my own. Growing up, I only saw weddings on those high end tv shows that practically threw the event just for the sake of it rather than to commemorate the union of two lovers. I feel like this is one of those instances as I have no idea who these people are. They walk around congratulating me and praising this golden-white chandelier dress I rented from Cherry Creek, forcing me to show gratitude while I’m at my lowest. I was perfectly fine with a court marriage to avoid feeling like this, but Ray kept reiterating over and over again saying “You deserve better than that.” 

To find another person like Raymond Williams would truly be impossible. He’s a dark beautiful man with eyes that would leave you locked, trapped in its boundless gaze. When I met him he had a mini afro that smelt of shea and coconut that struck you when he passed you.  Just a few months ago he decided to cut it down in its entirety. “My hair isn’t going to help me get these corporate desk jobs,” he said with remorse in his voice. I urged him to reconsider because I believe there were jobs that would hire him solely for his skills in data security. Ray just did what he always does when he’s obviously upset, smile brighter than the summer sky. I couldn’t say anything when he did that.

Ray invited everybody he knew to the wedding. From his family members to long distance friends he made online. They were cheery people full of delight and happiness to see someone they care for so much finally get married. The way Ray went about his social life, I could see why they would be worried. He was quiet and to himself most of the time during college. I only saw him outside of classes as we didn’t share any together and whenever I saw him he looked unapproachable for his face didn’t do him any favors. He always had this frown that warded off anyone trying to have a conversation with him. “Listen, Ki, who’s going to walk around campus with a huge smile on their face knowing that they're failing basic biology? Only dead people fail basic biology, plus it was 7 in the morning!” 

That didn’t stop me though. It was early morning and I saw Ray with his resting bitch face as usual. He was always an oddity to me and I wanted to know what his deal was. So I approached him, and asked that same stupid question you’d ask someone with a frown on their face. I always said that Ray’s response made me fall in love with him. “I have a long face? I know you’re not talking with that ‘I don’t have a father figure in my life’ shirt on.’” The shirt wasn’t even that revealing, yet that didn’t stop me from punching him in the arm, evoking that glorious smile. Since then, I looked for him everyday just to see that smile. Little did I know that he would eventually come to like me. I should’ve stopped things from escalating. Then I realized, I was in too deep as well. 

  We started dating and getting close with each other. Closer than I’ve ever gotten with anybody. Things were reaching their peak and I didn’t know how to get down. At the time, I was staying at a friend 's apartment and she wasn’t home for the weekend. Ray came to visit me and I needed to tell him the truth. The ugly truth that would destroy everything between him and I. My head was spiraling, doubts filled my head, and I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. Those soft, sweet eyes. I—

“Ki? You good?” Ray asked, putting his arms around me. The movie “Her” was playing on the T.V. screen, it’s beautiful synth-filled music reverberated throughout my tiny room. We were sitting on my emerald-green couch, uncomfortably close. 

“Y-yeah.”

Ray adjusted himself, purposely getting even more closer to me. I could smell his cologne more vividly. A scent of spiced, sweet chocolate mixed with vanilla rushed through my nostrils. He began to gently stroke my curly hair, causing something in my head to burst with ecstasy. Then his hand reached the bare flesh of my shoulders and my entire body twitched at the slightest touch. I can’t handle this feeling. This needs to stop before—

“Kira.”

“Hmm?”

I want you. Those words echoed through my brain, even now.

“I do too, more than anything. But we can’t.” 

Ray took his arm away from me and stood up. The way he looked at me will forever be stained into my brain. How could I ever forget the way he stared at me with genuine concern on his face. I couldn’t help but to cry. He got on one knee and was face to face with me, then asked “Am I moving too fast?” I looked at him and shook my head. He didn’t let up.

“Kira, we’ve been dating for a few months now and I still haven’t gotten to kiss you yet. You won’t even let me hold your hand or hug you. You just push me away, constantly. What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Ray asked.

“No Ray, it's just… I just can’t. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me? Why would you think of something like that?”

I hesitated.

“Kira Woods. Talk to me,” Ray demanded. There’s no going back now.

“I’m… cursed. Before my mother passed away, she placed a curse on me.”

Ray looked bewildered from my confession, but silently gestured to me to continue.

“When I lived in Japan, my childhood with my mother was miserable. She constantly hit me when I messed up, degraded me in public, and yelled at me cursing my very existence. Called me a blight that she should’ve gotten rid of a long time ago. She hated me, even on her deathbed,” I said, tears rolling down my face. Ray was lost for words. He attempted to comfort me but I moved away from him. That didn’t stop him from trying again, grabbing my hand and placing his hand on top of it. His palm was soft and warm, shaking slightly.

“In Japan, I ran away from home multiple times. I tried to stay with other family members but they always took me back to her. She would beat me until I lost consciousness every time I came back. They didn’t care, they believed it was for my own good and to teach me not to run away anymore. I hated them. I hated everyone and wanted it all to end. I… I had really bad thoughts just poking my brain constantly. Then I found out we were going to America. My mother was able to get a transfer from her job to handle international affairs in Denver. I was 14 when we moved to Colorado.”

“Where was your pops in all this?” Ray asked.

“I wanted to know too. My mother hated him too. I thought we would at least have that in common. My father was in the military and was stationed in Japan. He met my mom at a club and did what two irresponsible adults do. When I was in my mother’s stomach, he went back to America. My mother cursed him and wished the worst on him and his family. Unfortunately, the worst actually happened. I searched the internet for my father in hopes to get into contact with him, but discovered news articles around the time I was born. There was one in big bold letters that read ‘Deadly Neighborhood Dispute: One American Soldier Dead.’ He was shot multiple times in the body and one to the head. Over a game of basketball,” I said. Ray made it clear that he couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing, his face said it all. 

“I’m sorry that you went through this Ki, I truly am. But this curse you brought up earlier… Do you really believe that?” he asked.

“At first, I didn’t. It was until I told my mother that my father was killed, and she laughed. It was repulsive. ‘I already know, that’s what happens when you fuck with me.’ She told me that she placed a curse on him. I didn’t want to believe it, but how could I not after hearing something like that?”

“Then she placed the same kind of curse on you?”

I shook my head and said “No, she placed a demon inside of me that would kill anyone that were to get too close to me.”

“...What? There’s a demon now?” Ray asked with a ridiculous look on his face.

“I’m not joking. If we would’ve continued, you’d die.”

He looked at me, visibly troubled by my words. Then I said, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” he said.

“It’s not that simple,” I said.

“You’re right, it's never going to be that simple. But, this past year that I spent with you showed me that I don’t need something simple. You’re the most complicated woman I had a chance to call my girlfriend. That’s what I love about you. So why would something like this stop me from being with you? You should know me better than that by now.”

I didn’t know what to say. He’s insane, there’s nothing more to it. What he said after that, was even more insane. I couldn’t believe what he asked me. I thought it was a cruel joke, until I saw that damn smile. 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife!”

The crowd was expecting to hear the wedding officiant give the green light on the kiss that “seals the deal” but we told him that it was against our religion to kiss in public settings and he didn’t question anything. There was an awkward pause when Ray and I walked down the aisle together as the audience wasn’t sure when to start clapping. It took them a few seconds before they understood what was going on. 

The wedding reception was filled with great spirits and drunk uncles and aunties. The music was loud and lively, causing even the older generation to move their bodies like “the old days.” Ray was worried his family would become overbearing but I told him that I was more than okay with that. I love seeing them interact with each other and with Ray. They know he’s a lightweight, yet try to force him to take shots as if it were mandatory. His excuse was that he wanted to remember tonight. They get wide eyed and stare at me as they disappear back to the dance floor. I told Ray to stop telling them that, but he shrugged, pretending not to know what I was talking about.

To say this honeymoon sweet suite is more extravagant than anything I’ve ever seen would be true. It was like we caught a glimpse of what heaven could be with its golden interiors and posh furnishings. Dark rose petals laid upon this gigantic bed, forming a heart. It was practically calling us to lay down. Ray took my hand and led me to it. We both laid down and embraced each other. At this moment, I don’t want this to ever end.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Tears strolled down my face as we laid in each other's arms.